Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Lately I've been dreaming...

...about my college days.

If I were to post this on Facebook, I would say that I didn't know why.

But the truth is, I do know why.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a workshop at my undergraduate institution. It's the kind of place where, every time I visit, I feel like I'm coming home. It will always have a special place in my heart.

But things have changed. A lot. There's so much construction on campus. My residence hall from senior year is being gutted and turned into apartments. Lots of new residence halls are being constructed. No new academic buildings are being constructed, though. The campus is now very crowded.

That was a very bittersweet feeling--walking around campus and seeing that everything was different. Lots of trees were cut down to make room for the new buildings. It wasn't the place where I went to school.

And then, over the past several nights, I've been dreaming about my undergrad days. And it's not just because of my visit there...lately I've been awash in many memories of the past.

It's inevitable in life that you drift apart from some friends, while making new ones. Some people leave your lives temporarily, only to return again, unexpectedly. Some people are meant to be in your lives forever, others only for a short time.

I'm in touch with quite a few of my college friends, but have grown apart from a lot of them, too. And lately, I've been really missing several of them. Some of them I've been missing so much that one of my dreams this week was about what my college life would have been like if I wasn't friends with the people I was friends with in college and beyond. Things were different. Very different.

I have one friend in particular whom I've known since freshman year. Lately our lives have taken completely different directions. My friend wants a family, and hangs out with her spouse's friends, mostly. I'm not quite headed in that direction yet. And I have another friend who's headed in the same direction; he hangs out primarily with his partner, his friends, and their kids.

And that leaves me...well, headed down another path.

And that's okay.

Sometimes I dream about college when I yearn for simpler times. For example, as much as I love to watch/read the news, I just can't watch it lately. Especially the election season here in Connecticut. Arrgh, too much stress...

Sometimes it just plain sucks to be an adult...

Other times, I'm pretty damn glad to be one. I look back at my senior year, and remember the feelings of bittersweetness. I didn't want to leave campus, but I also felt like I was trapped in a bubble. That protective bubble of the university gates. I was ready to move on, but at the same time, scared of what I'd face in the real world.

Well, it's time for bed now, ironically enough...what will I dream about tonight?


Amber said...

I don't like imagining what my life would've been like without some key individuals in it. it's amazing how much things change when you lay a pattern down from smaller events

septembermom said...

Even though I get older, I still feel like that same insecure college girl who's trying to figure it all out.

drollgirl said...

it is great that you have fond memories of college. i wasn't a huge fan of college, so i don't really miss it at all.

years and years ago i stopped by my grammar school. it was such a trip to see how TINY the classroom, desks, and doors were. so strange. it was also weird to see the decay that had taken place. strange to think how far we have come in life, and to wonder what the future will bring.

kel said...

I never went to college so i never got to experience all that... but I do sometimes wish I could get a high school do-over.