In the Singlehood: My household roles

I saw this prompt over at Mama Kat's and thought I could combine my Writers Workshop piece with my "In the Singlehood" series.

Here's the prompt:

"What is your role in the household?"

HA!! That's a good one! You mean roles. When you're a single person, you can't have just one role in the household. Allow me to explain:

1. BREADWINNER

I have to work. I am perfectly healthy and do not have any conditions that would prohibit me to hold down a job. I have to work to put food on the table, keep a roof over my head, keep the lights and the heat on, maintain transportation, communication with the outside world, clothe myself...oh yeah, and have enough supplemental income at the end of the month to purchase my books. (Although Paperback Swap rocks and I've received ten books over the past month from that wonderful website).

2. COOK

I cook for myself. It's too expensive to eat out every single night. Besides, I find cooking theraputic. There's just something about the smell of ingredients that relaxes me and helps me unwind from the day.

OK, I'll admit it: chopping and slicing is a great stress reliever. Especially chopping.

I don't always cook during the week. Most weeks I'll cook big on Sundays and freeze the meal in smaller portions so I can just pop a container in the microwave when I get home. Other times I like eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Bread and butter is good, too. Cheddar cheese slices atop Triscuits are good choices. And let's not forget my love affair with The Cheesiest. (If you haven't read it yet, check out my post "The Single Gal's Guide to Groceries," which is under the "Greatest Hits" section in the right column).

3. HIRED HELP

Sometimes it gets overwhelming to clean a two-bedroom, loft-style condo on one's own. I have to break up the chores so I don't clean the whole thing in one day. Some days, I don't clean at all depending on how tired I am from my day at work. The easiest chores for me to do during the week are laundry and running the dishwasher. It's easy to put clothes in the washing machine with the detergent and letting it run for a while. Folding...well, that's another story. I'm much better at it than I used to be.

4. CAREGIVER

Mags and Gabs depend upon me for their very survival. I feed them their Meow Mix Wholesome Goodness daily and make sure they have fresh clean water. I make sure that their litter boxes are decluttered of waste material. I endure painful car rides to take them to the vet. Granted, the vet is ten minutes away, but the way they meow, you think I'd have kidnapped them. I give them their monthly flea treatments (which is always a joy) and brush them and groom them. I give them as much love as I would to any human.

5. LAWYER

I have been having issues with my insurance company lately. I won't get into specifics, but let's just say that my local hospital is having trouble negotiating a contract with my insurance provider. I'm not alone, but I was on the phone earlier this afternoon with a rep from this company who was very nasty to me and wouldn't let me ask more than one question. Since I am the sole policy holder in my household, it was up to me to debate with this company. I won't name names, and I won't tell you the first letter in their name. I don't want to get madder, or get anyone in the sitation, angrier by disclosing party names.

6. WARDROBE CONSULTANT

This is my least favorite role. I have no fashion sense. I'm amazed none of my friends has nominated me for What Not to Wear yet. I would be their most obedient, dutiful pupil. But then again, they may not have me on the show because I wouldn't argue with Stacy or Clinton. Obeying, sadly, does not make what TV execs consider good reality programming.

That having been said, I will not pay full price. I really like Goodwill and have bought many great pieces from them. However, it's gotten to the point where I have a Monday outfit, a Tuesday outfit, a Wednesday outfit, etc. I hate that!

I also like sales at Target, Kohl's, and Lane Bryant. I am petite and plus-sized, so it's not always easy to find clothes that fit well. Maybe that's why I loathe shopping so much.

7. HANDYWOMAN

I've learned to do minor repairs around the house, and I'm very proud of myself for doing this. I know how to use a carpenter's level, an electric screwdriver, and a hammer. I installed my bathroom medicine cabinet, as well as my showerhead, all by myself. I love painting walls; I'm awesome at edging.

For the big guns, though, I'm no fool. I know my limitations. Fortunately, my best friend knows how to fix things. He installed a ceiling fan for me in my kitchen, as well as put in a set of blinds in front of my patio door. He even helped me install my entertainment center (his old one). Best thing about this is, I don't ask him to do these things for me. He offers. And I am forever grateful for that.

8. BANKER/FINANCIAL PLANNER

This is my most difficult role. It took me years to learn how to plan a budget. I was in love with plastic, and paid a huge price for it. My credit rating is very, very slowly getting better, but it is still not great. I'm really glad, though, that I learned the lesson before the current financial crisis occurred. I've got money in the bank, I've curbed my spending, and am very happy living with less. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I'm glad I learned it.

9. PARTY PLANNER

As much as I like having friends over, entertaining can be a pain. I'm no Martha Stewart. First there's the issue of getting the condo cleaner than clean (see #3), then there's the menu planning and taking into consideration everyone's likes, dislikes, and allergies (see #2). When the party's in full swing, I have a great time. But it's the before and after that kills me. Thank God I have a group of friends who are good about cleaning up after themselves.

That's why I often will sneak to the kitchen during a party and start doing the dishes for my host. I often get yelled at for doing this (especially if BFF is hosting the party), because "I'm the guest and don't have to do that", but it's my way of showing my appreciation for what the host has done for me.

10. ORGANIZER
If I didn't have my planner or cell phone, I would be incredibly lost with all that I do during the week. Even though I'm single, I still have responsibilities to my job, my church, keeping myself physically and mentally healthy with my jaunts to the Y and my therapist, and I still need to have a life. I visit friends, I go to dances, events, visit family, and go to the library, among other things.

It's una vida loca, that's for sure, and I juggle a lot of roles, but it's MI vida loca and I wouldn't have it any other way!

In the Singlehood: Bridesmaid revisited

In 2001, I was a bridesmaid in my friend P's wedding. (Initials have been changed for privacy protection.)

When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I was thrilled. She and her fiance had been together for so long, it was not a question of if, but when, he would propose. I had never been in a wedding before, so I was looking forward to the experience.

First came the dress shopping. Then came choosing the place for the reception. Then there were the honeymoon plans.

And then came the bridal shower.

Oh, how I hate bridal showers.

And I especially had a hard time with this one.

Here's a little bit of backstory: At the time of the bridal shower, in April of 2001, I was working in a full-time temporary position, in grad school full-time, and looking for a full-time, permanent position. In short, I had no money. P offered to pay for some of my bridesmaid expenses, like the shoes for my dress. I gratefully accepted.

But that's not the point.

Here's the real point:

It came at the bridal shower. As P opened up her fourth toaster oven, it suddenly hit me: She's getting all of her appliances for free. She has this registry where people can go buy her table settings and goblets and they just give them to her. All because she's getting married and moving out of her parents' house and into a new apartment.

One week after the wedding, I too, moved out of my parents' house and into a new apartment.

But I had to pay for my toaster. And my sofa. And my silverware.

Mama and Papa Cat helped me out, since I was a poor grad student with no money, but I was still feeling somewhat bitter.

Why can't there be single person showers? We have showers for women who are marrying or having babies, where they're getting a fresh start in life, and so we give 'em presents, sometimes useful, other times useless crap, so that they can have a strong beginning to marriage/motherhood.

Well, what about the people who are moving into new homes who are moving in alone? Or those who decide to adopt a child by themselves?

Do we give these people showers? No, we don't, and that is incredibly unfair.

Why do singles still get the short shrift in society when it comes to things like this? We are not worthless! We still deserve showers! Yeah, some of us are greedy bitches and bastards who want the loot, but others really need it.

Others such as the newly single divorcee, about to move into her first home by herself.

Or the freshly minted college grad, working at an entry level position, making her debut in the debutante ball known as "The Real World."

Or the woman who has never married and has decided to adopt a child of her own, with no co-parent.

Maybe I should start a business..."Single Showers by Kitten." Hmmm...

I just loathe going to bridal showers. I especially dislike shower games. Some of the shower games can be really cheesy, like shower bingo. But I like the ones that have a little twist to them. I went to one shower where we had to make bridal dresses out of rolls of toilet paper. That was a lot of fun, and quirky. And you know me, I'm all about the quirk.

But I digress.

I look back at my experience of being a bridesmaid and realize that I could have been a little more sensitive to what my friend was going through at the time. We were both in our own little worlds, I guess. She was focused on starting a new life with her husband-to-be and I was focused on launching a career and breaking free of the Cat Family homestead. I'd love to have a chat with her about what happened, but we haven't spoken in several years; we eventually drifted apart.

But I still think we should have single-person showers.

In the Singlehood: First in a series of posts

I am single and childless by choice.

Don't get me wrong, I like kids and enjoy spending time with them, but I really don't want any of my own. During my adult life I've never had a maternal instinct. I've never really pictured myself as a wife and mother. Or just a wife, for that matter.

There's a lot that influences this. My parents raised me and my sister to be independent. Mama Cat always told us, "You don't need a man to be a fulfilled person." That's the message that Grandma Cat passed on to Mama Cat when she was a kitten. A lot of it had to do with Grandma Cat's marriage to Grandpa Cat. During their later years, they didn't get along, but they never divorced. Grandpa Cat was an alcoholic. That alone should say it all.

(Then again, Mama and Papa Cat have been going strong for 36+ years as a married couple. Go fig).

Meanwhile, Papa Cat told us, "The only person you can ever depend upon is yourself." His message was influenced by the fact that we had no extended family in Connecticut. Our family tree branches into the New York/Newark metropolitan areas. We had no biological relatives around to depend on, so we created our own little network. To be honest, we're much closer to our chosen family members than our blood relatives. And we prefer it that way.

As we were growing up, Sister Kitten and I were taught, from an early age, how to cook, how to sew, and how to do laundry. When it came to automotive care, Papa Cat gave us AAA cards when we got our licenses. He also told us how to plan a budget and balance a checkbook.

We were raised with good manners and lots of discipline. Yeah, we both got spanked on occasion, but only if we did something to deserve it.

All of these tactics helped me and Sister Kitten stand on our own two feet. We both own condos, pay our bills, and hold down good jobs. Mama and Papa Cat still help out on occasion, but for the most part we do this by ourselves.

I'm proud to be independent. However, many people think it's strange that I have no interest in marrying and starting a family. It's become more common for couples to decide not to have kids, for whatever reason, but people will look twice--nay, three times or more--when a single woman decides to remain a bachelorette.

Here's my thing: relationships take work. It's like holding a job. I'm not at the point in my life where I would want to invest my time and energy in a partner.

But that's not the only thing...

I hate dating. I absolutely loathe it, despise it, detest it. Dating is like auditioning for a part in a movie over and over again and never getting it. I don't do well with small talk. I don't do well with awkwardness. There's either a spark, or there isn't. I don't like men fawning all over me. I need space.

But most importantly, this is what colors most of my feelings: In the past two years, I've known 12 friends and acquaintances who have either ended relationships or have divorced. All of these relationships have lasted for five years or less. This doesn't bode well for my generation.

I just don't see how some of my friends could have spent thousands of dollars on one day of their lives, only to have no return on the investment in five years.

I like living alone. I enjoy being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. I actually am looking forward to being a spinster.

I have a lot more to write about this subject, but I won't do it now. In fact, I've decided to write a series of posts about it, which I will call, "In the Singlehood." For my next installment, I'm going to write about my experiences as a bridesmaid.

I'm looking forward to seeing where this series takes me.