Life with Mama and Papa Cat

Everyone thinks their parents are weird. I don't care who you are or how close you are to your mother and father, but everybody I know has some strange story about their parents' idiosyncratic ways.

Mine are certainly no exception.

Consider these:

• My parents are in their mid-60s. Why is it that the older they get, the bigger their CARS get?

Sister Kitten and I have been out of the house for years, yet our mother still insists on driving a minivan. She says she's comfortable with it, and is used to driving a car that big. But why? The only things she puts in there these days are groceries. She doesn't put furniture in there; she hardly drives whenever there's a carpool. And she doesn't have any grandchildren!

And our father drives a Ford truck. Just a small one, but again, he has nothing major to transport. Besides, he says that at his age, he can't do much heavy lifting anymore. So why does he still have it?

• They refuse to break their morning routine--and they're RETIRED.

Mama Cat still gets up at the ass-crack of dawn--5:00 AM. There is absolutely no reason for her to! She puts the coffee on and pours herself a cup--or two--or three. No breakfast, just coffee. And then she makes damn sure to go outside and get the paper before Papa Cat gets up--and if Papa Cat doesn't have his morning paper, he goes ballistic.

Papa Cat rises at 6:30--about an hour later than when he was working. He pours his coffee, sets the Hartford Courant in front of him at the kitchen table, and commences reading.

Meanwhile, Mama Cat sits in the family room with her coffee, reading the latest James Patterson novel or whatever mystery novel she's into at the moment. Mama Cat loves to buy the mass-market paperbacks at the supermarket. She goes through about three or four a week. She does this while Papa Cat finishes the paper; she can't read any section of the paper until Papa Cat is done with the entire thing.

Which leads me to my next point...

• They constantly complain about the Hartford Courant, yet refuse to cancel their subscription.

Sister Kitten and I have suggested, on more than one occasion, that they go paperless and start reading the New York Times online. They flat out refuse, especially Papa Cat. He enjoys his morning routine. I respect that. But if you're going to keep reading the paper, why not subscribe to something else?!?! Papa Cat claims he doesn't like computers or technology, but this is a hypocritical statement, for...

• Papa Cat has a Facebook account, and Mama Cat is fluent in textspeak.

I am not at all horrified by the fact that my father is on Facebook. He's not one of those parents who constantly checks my status or comments on it. He leaves my page, and Sister Kitten's, alone. He respects our privacy--or rawther, what little you can find online.

I am, however, disappointed that my own mother, who constantly corrected my grammar as a child and proofread all of my research papers in high school, now uses textspeak. My own 65-year-old mother!!! She first started texting when she went to Rome, and found that texting was cheaper than calling us. And then her messages got lengthier, and she started abbreviating. That disappointed me greatly. I have called her out on it several times. She says, "Well, no one other than you and your sister are seeing my texts, so what's the big deal?"

It IS a big deal! Now I have to go and revise this post from a year ago!!!

OK, that rant's over. Now how do I continue? Oh yes...

• My parents are beyond obsessed with Costco.

I really shouldn't say beyond obsessed, for they only go once a month. But when they go, however, they load up on all sorts of...crap. Well, I shouldn't use the word "crap," but they buy their meat in bulk, as well as vitamins, shampoo, and toilet paper.

It's just the two of them living at home. They shouldn't be going through all of that stuff so fast! (Especially Papa Cat, who has very little hair left on his noggin).

Mama Cat sends me and Sister Kitten an E-mail about once a month that goes like this...

"Your father and I went to Costco yesterday. We got you both some kitty litter (in the 50-pound pails), some refills for your hand soap (about two GALLONS worth), and some of that pumpkin flax cereal you both like. Kitten, we got you some vitamin D as well. And we got both of you girls some tampons."

Now THAT I appreciate (except the part about the feminine hygiene products). Mama Cat needn't go through the trouble of getting all of that stuff for me and Sister Kitten. It's very nice, though; I cannot fault her for that.

But I can fault her for...

• Her need to keep everything museum-quality clean.

As I wrote above, Mama and Papa Cat are both retired. She therefore has time to clean her house from top to bottom all the time. It is always spotless. It puts my house to shame. It makes my house look like an urban slum.

Sister Kitten and I had a bonding moment once when she called me, in a panic, because she was having all of us over for dinner.

SISTER KITTEN: I'm so nervous about Mom and Dad coming over!
ME: Why?
SK: Because no matter how much I clean Mom always finds something wrong! I know you wouldn't care all that much, but this is MOM and DAD!!!!

Isn't it a phenomenon, kittens? No matter how clean your house is, your mother will spot something that's out of place--especially the moment when she first steps through the door? And the worst thing is, the minute she spots something out of place, she always tidies it up. And then she chides me and Sister Kitten for being such messy housekeepers.

Uh, hello ma...we're both working professionals with tres busy lives!! Cut us some slack!

And there are various other things that puzzle me about the 'rents. There's their need to constantly putter around the house. A week after I moved out, for instance, Mama Cat ripped the carpeting out of my bedroom, only to expose the gorgeous hardwood flooring underneath. She then painted it and added new curtains, pictures, and throw rugs! "All from Ocean State Job Lot!" she proclaimed. (Her other favorite place, just behind Costco). And Papa Cat is trying to improve the landscaping, to various degrees of success. For years he has built a stone wall around the backyard--using stones he's smuggled from abandoned properties in the woods. He wants to build the wall around the front yard, but Mama Cat put her paw down on that one.

And then there are those other idiosyncratic habits to which I have grown accustomed over the years. They have their own Archie-and-Edith chairs in the family room, and God forbid that someone else ever sits in them. They use them to watch TV at night and to read their Sunday paper. But I won't fault them for the Sunday routine, for it's something I actually enjoyed as a growing kitten. Papa Cat would buy bagels after church, as well as the New York Daily News and the New York Post. They'd complain about the quality of the bagels they purchased, and how they didn't compare to the ones they got in New York. They'd read their papers and talk about Governor Cuomo, the Mets' latest woes, and why aren't the Jets as good as they used to be?

Don't get me wrong, kittens. I adore my parents and would be devastated if anything happened to either of them. But man, they are strange sometimes.

And if you're a parent, have you ever wondered what your children would say about you?

The Queen's Meme: The What NOT Meme

There is all kinds of advice awaiting you on the Internets, advice full of things that tell you what TO DO in any given situation. Mimi, our darling Queen of Memes, has decided to solicit us, her royal subjects, on what NOT to do in the following situations:

1. On a first date: Oh, so many choices! Don't floss in front of your date. Don't chew with your mouth open. Don't go on and on and on about your exes.

2. Intoxicated: DON'T DRIVE. I've been the designated driver in MANY situations. And there were a few situations where I had to wrestle the keys out of someone's hand.

3. In the shower: Don't confuse the shampoo with the body wash. And especially don't confuse the Nair with your shampoo.

4. At your ex’s wedding: Don't give a toast while drunk, or else you'll be telling all sorts of risque stories about your ex. You don't want to be the most embarrassing part of his/her wedding day.

5. In jail: Don't piss off the guards. Or your cellmate, for that matter.

6. being stalked: Don't pull a Hansel and Gretel and leave traces of your whereabouts.

7. Stuck to an igloo: Don't get stuck to it in the first place. In the future, remember the scene from A Christmas Story: Your tongue WILL stick to cold places.

8. In sewing class: Don't sew your project to your jeans. I speak from experience.

9. Asleep in a helium balloon: Don't wake up. If you do, you'll panic. And if you do, don't try to suck all of the helium out of the balloon in order to get it to sink.

10. At a birthday party for twins: Don't mistake their identities. If one of them happens to be cute, make sure that, after the party, you're hooking up with the right one.

11. On a nude beach: Don't keep staring.

12. At the opera: Don't bring your finest Waterford crystal and perform scientific experiments. The opera isn't the place to see if glass will shatter due to high octaves. Save that for a Mariah Carey concert.

13. you’re falling in love: Don't go too fast.

14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town: Don't stop and call AAA right away. Try to get to a better section of town first. And DON'T be alone; call someone in the area to keep you company.

15. Having a baby: Don't take advice from me. I've never been pregnant, and wouldn't have a clue as to what you should or shouldn't do.

16. On fire: Don't use any cleaning supplies or other household chemicals.

17. Lost at the mall: Don't stand in the middle of the food court and cry out, "I'm lost!!"

18. At a single’s dance: Don't look or act desperate.

19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike: Uhhhh...why would you do this in the first place?!?! But if you insist, don't leave home without your EZ Pass. You still have to pay the tolls.

20. Driving your significant other's car: Don't get into an accident.

21. Being robbed at gunpoint: Uhhhh...can't think of anything witty or practical here. Sorry.

22. Kissing: Never kiss after you've had sardines, a tuna fish sandwich, or garlic or onions.

23. Paying the hotel cashier: Don't stiff the poor guy.

24. Buying lingerie: Don't giggle like a schoolkid, especially if you're a guy.

24. Commenting on a blog: Don't be disrespectful when commenting. Be honest, but gentle.

25. In Queen Mimi's dungeon: Don't insult Queen Mimi's cooking. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Not my best answers this week...sorry guys.

Ten things I hate about the A and Piss Off

Yes, kittens, I realize that "hate" is a tres strong word. However, I must use it to describe the dread that I feel whenever I go shopping at this wretched establishment.

Why do I still go to the A and Piss Off, you ask, if I loathe it so much? Easy. It's within walking distance of my house, and it takes me less than a minute to get there if I drive. Tonight I was way too lazy to go across town to drive to the Stop and Shop, or even the Aldi that's just a little further down the road from my house, so I went to my last choice supermarket. The A and Piss Off (that's the A&P for those of you who refer to it by its official name) is good only for last minute items--if that. For example, if I run out of chocolate chips while baking, that's where I go.

So, anyhoo, let's begin the list:

1. Parking's a bitch.
We'll start off with actually getting there. There is ample parking day and night at the A and Piss Off, but drivers are so incredibly rude about driving muy rapidamente through the lot, and especially when it comes to stealing your space--particularly if it's one of those "park to leave" spaces you can just drive through. That, and no one ever puts their cart in the little overhang once they're done shopping, so there are carts scattered all over the place. And as you're pulling in, you have to dodge the carts that are about to run into your car, potentially denting the hood. (I have one lovely dent on the front passenger's side because of this).

2. Wicked bad produce.
Unless it comes in a clamshell container with a "best used by" date stamped on the front, I rarely buy fresh fruits and vegetables at the A and Piss Off. I once went shopping for large baking potatoes, and nearly their entire selection was green. Um, hello, I thought green potatoes were poisonous?!?!?! Even when I buy packaged greens, I have to look very carefully; I once had to go through three or four containers of such packages before I could find one that did not have rotting lettuce.

3. Fruit flies in the baked goods cabinet.
One morning, shortly after I first moved to the area, I was running late for work, and really didn't have time to wait in line at Dunkin Donuts for a meal, so I stopped at the A and Piss Off to pick up a muffin. I walked to the bakery, opened the muffin cabinet, and was about to make my selection, when I spotted about ten or fifteen fruit flies hovering over what I thought would be my chocolate chip muffin.

I decided Dunkin Donuts was worth being late that day.

4. Expired merchandise.
I have friends who live in the area who have purchased expired merchandise, but they didn't realize it until they got home. In some cases, it was a few weeks, in others, we're talking months. Needless to say, I always double check the expiration date on every item I purchase.

5. They tend to get rid of my favorite products very quickly.
I occasionally buy the single-serve Blue Bunny ice cream packets. It saves me from buying a gallon, and at least I get to have a taste of the real thing. Tonight I bought two, because they were on sale. And then I found out why, once I checked the fine print: "While quantities last." They did this with my favorite brand of yogurt, as well as some cleaning and hair care supplies I use.

6. They seem to always have Hot Pockets and Lean Pockets in stock--and not much else.
A good grocery store, in my opinion, should always have plenty of stock on hand of items they anticipate will sell quickly, such as chicken breasts. Well, it seems like the specific brand of chicken breasts that are on sale every week are always sold out by the time the store closes Sunday night. And then they're not available for the rest of the week.

7. Prices are ridiculously expensive.
Tonight I purchased a box of Nilla Wafers for a mini cheesecake recipe that I plan on baking for a party. (Recipe to come, hopefully). Said box of Nilla Wafers was $4.37. WHAT?!?! And then as I was driving home, I realized that I forgot to buy cupcake wrappers for said mini cheesecakes, and I refused to return to the A and Piss Off, so I went to Walgreen's instead. As I strolled through the grocery aisle, I noticed that a box of Nilla Wafers, same size and all, was more than a dollar CHEAPER than at the supermarket. I was pissed.

8. Rude, apathetic customer service.
This evening my cashier was a young man in high school who did NOT greet me when he scanned my valued customer card, did NOT tell me my total, and did NOT say a word to me when he gave me my receipt and instant coupons. Don't tell me that wasn't rude. And the girl who was supposed to have bagged my groceries wasn't any better; she just twirled her long blonde hair as my purchases traveled down the conveyor belt. And it was the cashier who ended up putting my groceries in my little travel bag.

There have been times before when the cashier would text message her friends between scanning my purchases, waiting for my debit card to go through, and finally handing me my receipt. Where was this girl's manager, so I could report her? And even if I DID report her, would my complaint have been taken seriously?

Employee turnover is EXTREMELY high at the A and Piss Off. I wonder how many of them are fired, as opposed to quitting. I don't blame them if they quit; it just seems like the type of place where morale is wicked low.

9. The automated checkout lines aren't any better, either.
I always bring a bag or two when I go grocery shopping. The automated lines at the A and Piss Off don't recognize when I place my bag down in the bagging area. The computer always says, "Please wait for an attendant." And I wait...and wait...and wait, usually because the automated cashier attendant is the ONLY competent employee in the entire frakkin' store and she goes to help the other cashiers. And then she shows up, fixes my problem...and it happens again. And then I have to rescan my groceries. It takes me longer in the automated checkout lane than it does with some sixteen-year-old texting between purchases. I thought automation was supposed to HELP me go through the line FASTER!!

10. It's the dirtiest supermarket I've ever been in.
I have never seen anyone sweep or wax the floors, or dust the shelves, at the A and Piss Off. I have, however, seen such things at the Stop and Shop and Price Rite. Even if you don't see anyone clean the store, when you go to those places, you can tell people take care of it. I don't think I've ever seen a clean floor at the A and Piss Off, ever.

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You see, directly across the street from the A and Piss Off, a brand spanking-new Price Chopper is being built. If you've never been to a Price Chopper, trust me, kittens, it is supermarket nirvana. Very clean store, a WIDE selection of products, freshly baked goods that were BAKED ON THE PREMISES, and AWESOME prices. It's supposed to open sometime this summer. I can't frakkin' wait. I hope they put the A and Piss Off out of business. I really do.

Writers Workshop: Daily Affirmation with Kitten Smalley

Click here to go to Mama Kat's website for the latest Writers Workshop goodies.

Here's the prompt I chose this week:

“I need all the help I can get and if repeating something healthy and inspiring to myself several times a day helps, then I’m going to do it!” -What affirmation makes you feel better? WELL THINK OF ONE.

Well, kittens, I tried in vain to find a Stuart Smalley clip on YouTube, figuring it would enhance my little post. But it turns out I really don't need one, for my daily affirmation speaks for itself:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I just started praying the Serenity Prayer about two or three weeks ago, when I was going through an extremely anxious time at work. It was so bad it was really starting to get to me physically. My neck and shoulders were extremely tense, and I had trouble sleeping. So I started saying the prayer several times a day: when I brushed my teeth, on the drive in, breaks, leaving the building.

It really calmed me down, and I started feeling like myself again.

Things have been a LOT better--stressful still, but nothing compared to what it was like two weeks ago. I think it's made a difference. Sounds corny, but it worked for me.

Soul Pancake

I recently set up an account on Soul Pancake. It's a website founded by actor Rainn Wilson, and several of his buddies, that serves as a forum about philosophy, religion, and is a place to "chew on life's big questions."

A friend of mine off-blog posted several links to Soul Pancake articles on her Facebook, and that got me intrigued. Users from around the world post some of their own philosophical questions, and other users chime in with their answers. Here's an example of one of those big questions:

"What should be on your warning label?"

For me, that's easy: "Irish-Sicilian temper. Prone to sudden mood swings."

Another question: "What causes you to run late?"

I'm not one who normally runs late, but I found the responses to this question to be quite intriguing. I have friends who are notoriously tardy, and that annoys me to no end. Click here if you want to read the entire thread.

And then there's this post.

Mike Mitchell, the artist behind the "I'm With Coco" poster that has helped spawn a pop culture revolution, wrote this unique article following Conan's last speech on the Tonight Show. He wrote about the impact that Conan's speech left on him, particularly what he said in its last moment:

“All I ask is one thing and this is… I’m asking particularly of young people… Please do not be cynical… It doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen. It’s just true.”

That last moment left an impact on me, too, kittens, for I can be extremely cynical. Conan's speech was certainly an eye-opener for me. It got me to thinking: I'm 34 years old. I have a pretty good life. So why do I feel so damn jaded at times? Why do I always assume the worst in people, that people always have ulterior motives in store?

Needless to say, Mike Mitchell's article is what led me to become a regular visitor to Soul Pancake. And yesterday, I finally set up an account, so I could chime in.

If you haven't visited Soul Pancake yet, you really should. You'll feel uplifted, but also be questioning lots of things at the same time.

Sunday Stealing: The Eight Tens Meme

Too lazy to grab the button this week.

TEN TO START.

1. Are you single? Yep, and quite content with it, merci beaucoup.

2. Are you happy? I have no reason NOT to be.

3. Are you bored? Sometimes.

4. Are you naked? We're all naked beneath our clothes!

5. Are you a blonde? As deep a brunette as possible without my hair being considered black.

6. Are you moody? Who isn't?

7. Are you a lover/hater? I'm a lover.

8. Are you hot/cold? Nice and warm.

9. Are you Irish? Well, I'm Sicilian on Papa Cat's side of the fam, but on Mama Cat's side, I'm German, Welsh, Scottish, Dutch, and Gypsy--for starters. I'm sure there's some Irish in there somewhere.

10. Are you Asian? I'm a lot of ethnicities, but not Asian.

TEN FACTS.

1. Name: Kitten

2. Nicknames: I've got lots of 'em.

3. Birth mark: I have a tiny one just above the corner of my left eye.

4. Hair color: Didn't we do this already? VERY dark brunette

5. Natural hair color: VERY dark brunette

6. Eye color: VERY dark brown

7. Height: 5'.25" (And that .25" is VERY important to me)

8. Facebook Mood: Content

9. Favorite color: VERY dark purple

10. One Place to Visit: Puerto Rico

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes...still waiting for that bell to ring, though.

2. Do you believe in soul mates? I do. I don't believe that they're necessarily the ones we're destined to be with forever, though, in a romantic partners kinda way.

4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally? Who hasn't?

5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes.

6. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.

7. Have you ever liked someone and not told them? Yes.

8. Are you afraid of commitment? Yes. I like my spontaneity, and the ability to go wherever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. I'm afraid of losing that in a partnership.

9. Who was the last person you hugged? One of the cats, today. Yesterday, my friend Chantal.

10. Who was the last person you kissed? Don't remember

TEN THIS OR THAT.

1. Love or lust? Love, definitely.

3. Cats or dogs? Um, hello, I'm the frakkin' BookKITTEN!!!

4. A few best friends or many regular friends? A few best friends.

5. Television or internet? Les deux

6. Chinese Or Indian? Chinese food...I'm a sucker for sesame chicken.

7. Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic night in. I had enough wild nights out during my twenties.

8. Money or Happiness? I'll take both, thanks.

9. Night or day? Thank the Lord for the NIGHTTIME!!! Remember, I don't do mornings!

10. MSN or phone? Phone. I love texting!

TEN HAVE YOU EVER.

1. Been caught sneaking out? No. Never had the guts to do so. You wouldn't, either, if you had to face the tribunal of Mama and Papa Cat growing up.

2. Been skinny dipping? No.

3. Stolen? No.

4. Bungee jumped? Are you frakking KIDDING me?!?

5. Lied to someone you liked? Yes.

6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? Never had a jawbreaker, and don't care to do so, either.

8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? Yes, and I learned rawther quickly that it's wasteful to continue to wish for something you can never have.

9. Cried because you lost a pet? Yes, when Mama and Papa Cat had to put their cat down a few years ago. It was the cat I grew up with. Very, very sad, but she led a good, long life. She was 16 when she died.

10. Wanted to disappear? Yes. I have a reptilian brain. Fight or flight? Fly!

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER.

1. Smile or eyes? How can you choose between the two?

2. Light or dark hair? As most of you know, I have a thing for redheads.

3. Hugs or kisses? Both. Why do these stupid memes always want you to choose between two perfectly wonderful things?

4. Shorter or taller? Taller. Remember, I'm barely five feet tall. If I ever have children I'd like for them to have a fighting shot of being at least average-sized.

5. Intelligence or attraction? Definitely intelligence.

6. Romantic or spontaneous? Spontaneous.

7. Funny or serious? Funny

8. Older or Younger? Older.

9. Outgoing or quiet? Outgoing

10. Sweet or Bad Ass? Sweet.

TEN HAVE YOU’S.

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd? Yes. I sang in the choir in college.

2. Ever done drugs? Only the ones my doctor prescribes.

3. Ever been pregnant? Nope.

5. Ever been on a cheer leading team? Nope. Many of my high school friends were cheerleaders, but that's the closest I ever came to being on the squad.

6. Ever Been on a dance team? I have two left paws. No.

7. Ever been on a sports team? Softball

8. Ever been in a drama play/production? Not since middle school. I usher quite a bit now, though.

9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? I have no desire to.

10. Ever been in a rap video? Once again, I ask, "Are you frakkin' KIDDING me?!?!"

TEN LASTS.

1. Last phone call you made: Mama Cat, to do the weekly Sunday check-in

2. Last person you hung out with: Chantal and our mutual friend L.

4. Last time you worked: Friday.

5. Last person you tackled: I don't play football.

6. Last person you IM’d: I don't IM, but I text. My last text was to update my Twitter account, and complain about my miserable bracket.

8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with: Chantal, when we saw "The Time-Traveler's Wife." I really have no desire to see any movies that are out right now, not even "Avatar." Remember, kittens, I'm no fan of James Cameron.

9. Last thing you missed: A meeting at church, a month ago, when I was on vacation.

10. Last thing you ate: Some of Mama Cat's turkey loaf.

State of the Kitten Address

Well kittens, as you may have noticed, I haven't been as prolific a poster as I once was. There are several reasons for this. One, I have been really busy with work. Really busy. Secondly, I'm one of the lay leaders at my church, and we're currently undergoing the process to find an interim minister. That has taken up a lot of my time as well. Then there are the regular stops on the weekends to see family and friends, in order to maintain those relationships.

And sadly, my bloggy relationships have fallen by the wayside.

I just haven't had the time to post. After posting so much, and so intensely, over a period of time (sometimes 4-5 posts in a day, at my peak), blogging was becoming a job for me. It was becoming too much. So I have given myself a break: I only post when the spirit moves me. Sometimes it moves me to post quite often. Other times I don't post for days, even weeks.

I've been going to bed lately between 8-9 PM. I try to get my eight hours, but have only been able to squeeze out a solid 6.5 or 7.

I haven't slept in for...well, I can't remember the last time I slept in!

But I intend to tomorrow. I can't frakkin' wait.

And one more thing before I go for now: A lot of you have asked for reports on my Carol and Conan adventures. Trust me, you WILL receive full accounts--and hopefully, fuzzy photos--of the events. I will NOT let you down, kittens.

But now, it's time for bed. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp....

My entertainment budget is blown for the next few months...

...but it's all for a good cause, kittens...for I purchased my ticket to see CAROL FRAKKIN' BURNETT TODAY!!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!!

I invited BFF to come with me, but he has an early morning commitment the next day, which I completely understand. And I didn't know if she was going to sell out, so I called the theater and queried. There were plenty of tickets available.

I had never been to this particular venue, so I asked if I would still get a decent view of the stage (i.e., the performers don't look like ants) from the El Cheapo seats. The lady I spoke with said I could.

Meanwhile, Sister Kitten said she may be able to get tickets through her employees club. Orchestra seats for $68. While that was a nice option (and quite a deal), I went with the El Cheapo, upper mezzanine seats. Keep in mind, kittens, that I am paying for four concert tickets over a six-week period. In addition to Carol, I have friends who are singing in a choir, and their concert's May 1st. Plus, I'm seeing Conan and am paying for my ticket and Sister Kitten's. (This is my birthday gift to her).

So basically, my entertainment budget is blown for the next several months, but trust me. It. Is. All. Worth. It. Besides, during the summer months I attend the free outdoor concerts and live theatre events that are around the area. Plus, it never hurts to be a theatre usher. Getting to see plays for free is definitely one of the perks of the job. :)

I am certainly one lucky kitten indeed. I can't wait to share my adventures with you! :)

Happy Saint Patty's Day!!!

For those of you who were around a year ago, you will recognize this clip. However, it bears revisiting. You will see why. Clearly it is the best Saint Patty's Day clip ever with the best Irish tenors ever!

Just in case you haven't heard via my Twitter feed...

I'M GONNA SEE CONAN FRAKKIN' O'BRIEN!!!!!! IN PERSON!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Many, many, eternally grateful thanks to Sister Kitten for securing the tickets, and BFF for agreeing to come with us. We'll be seeing him in early June, not far off from Sister Kitten's birthday. This is going to be her birthday present from me. I am so frakkin' excited about this. So. Frakkin'. Excited.

Especially since there's a chance I may see another redheaded comedy pioneer in person:

I MAY ALSO GO SEE CAROL BURNETT IN PERSON!!!! DOUBLE SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!

And to think, in one of the memes I did last month one of the questions was, "What celebrity would you like to meet?" And of course, I wrote about my two comedy heroes. I wonder if the universe took note of that...because if it did, I am one frakkin' happy kitten indeed!

P.S. For those who are wondering, yes, I'm back on Twitter. Long story, but the Twitter folks helped straighten my account out, so hopefully it won't get hacked again.

Kitten on the Aisle: Oscars 2010

I was so looking forward to the Oscars this year, especially after I heard that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were hosting. One man was a legendary comedic genius, the other one of the hippest actors on television today. Alec Baldwin just embodies the part of Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock. He has deservedly won every award he has collected for that role.

I thought, given these two hilarious men, that the Oscars were going to be a laugh a minute, satirical fest full of lots of biting, sarcastic wit. I couldn't wait to see the zingers that the team of Baldwin and Martin exchanged.

Oh, kittens, I don't know about you, but I was so very disappointed in this year's festivities.

It all started after they introduced the nominees for Best Actor and Actress at the top of the show. I mean, that was a nice tribute, but what was the point? Why not introduce all of the people nominated in the major categories? It was kinda awkward. Then there was an awkward transition to the Neil Patrick Harris number--which I must admit was cute. But then again, how could you not love Neil Patrick Harris? (Sorry, former Doogie Howser groupie writing here).

And then our hosts descended from the ceiling. As I wrote, I was expecting lots of biting, sarcastic wit. However, I think Martin and Baldwin were playing it safe--a little too safe, if you asked me. They reminded me of two guys hanging outside the bathroom next to they gym, making snide comments about the cool kids as they walked by. I was expecting belly laughs, and I didn't get them. I was tres disappointed.

And then the awards began. I didn't like the changes I saw. No performances of original songs. People presenting that had nothing to do with the nominated pictures, but everything to do with the desperate attempt to capture a young audience (Miley Cyrus and Zac Efron, anyone?)

I got bored rawther quickly. I turned off the TV and went to bed at 9:30 EST. However, after I climbed under the covers I watched a little more--enough to see The Hurt Locker win for original screenplay and Mo'Nique win for Precious--an award that was much deserved.

I must admit, though, that in spite of its shortcomings, this year's Oscars did have some memorable moments. I really enjoyed and appreciated the John Hughes tribute; after all, I grew up with his films, and to this day, my friends and I will still recite dialogue from Ferris Bueller, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles when given the chance. And I love whenever Ben Stiller presents an award.

But what I regret missing is Kathryn Bigelow's win as Best Director, as well as The Hurt Locker beating out Avatar for so many awards. Especially since James Cameron was behind Avatar. Now kittens, as I have written before, I am not a movie person. But I have not been a fan of James Cameron since I saw Titanic. I loathed Titanic. When the iceberg hit the boat, I kept looking at my watch, thinking, "Why don't you just sink the boat, already?" It was frustrating. I didn't like the dialogue in that movie, I didn't like the acting, and I didn't like the whole over-the-top special effects. It was overblown, and overrated.

And when James Cameron won Best Director for that movie, and he hoisted the Oscar above his head, proclaiming himself King of the World, well, that just did it for me.

So that's my take on this year's Oscars. Maybe I had gotten too accustomed to the song-and-dance routines that Hugh Jackman and Billy Crystal did so well. But for me, this year's awards lacked quite a bit.

On that note, I can't wait to see what the Tonys have in store. I'm more of a live theatre person than a move person anyway.