Thursday, November 12, 2009

Meh.

Today was a day when I felt emotionally void--dull, empty, blah. That's what I said on my Facebook status.

I didn't feel great, but I didn't feel horrible, either. There are many reasons why I felt this way:
  • I've been to four wakes/funerals since the end of September, and I have another one to attend this coming Sunday. Two of those wakes have involved former colleagues and friends of mine.
  • One wake involved a colleague/friend who was also a member of my book club. I am hosting book club Wednesday night. It is our first meeting since our friend died. I'm not looking forward to the emotion that is going to come out of it, as necessary as it is. I hate crying in front of people.
  • I haven't had time/felt like reading or doing any of my hobbies lately. I just want a day to do nothing at all, and not feel guilty about it.
  • My car went in for emergency service this afternoon. The engine light came on, and they're doing a coolant flush and something with the temperature gauge. Nothing serious, thank goodness, but still, it's another car repair.
  • My coworkers are starting to drop like flies due to H1N1/norovirus/strep throat/whatever other bug is going around. I am grateful, however, to still be healthy.
  • My BFF and I are going on our fourth month without speaking to one another. I've been somewhat okay with our quasi-estrangement, but this morning, I woke up really missing him. As much as I want to reach out and pick up the phone, I really think he needs to contact me first--and not just via a forwarded E-mail.
  • I had to cancel dinner plans with Mama and Papa Cat Sunday night because of the aforementioned wake.
And just as I was moaning about my fate, this song popped into my head:



Thank you, Eric Idle, for helping me put things into perspective and making me laugh at the same time. For this is what I've realized:
  • Meeting with my book club will help me--and everyone else--grieve our loss, but remember our friend in a special way.
  • I have a job where I can afford to repair my vehicle. I am also lucky to have such a reliable form of transportation.
  • I have not succumbed to illness, and I was one of the lucky few at work to receive an H1N1 shot.
  • I am going to see the whole Cat Family in two weeks, on Thanksgiving day. My absolute favorite holiday.
  • And as for me and BFF...I think we'll eventually be OK. We have a lot of mutual friends, and we both don't want to put anyone in the middle of our squabble, which is ours and ours alone. It's just going to take some time to heal...but I'm not going to lie, kittens, it's been very painful for me. I don't know how he's felt about it, but it's hurt like mad on my end. I'll blog more about it at some point.
But right now, I need to listen to Eric Idle again...and find my copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

6 comments:

Chessa! said...

oh, dear...I think that we all go through moments like these. You're in my thoughts...

Lisa said...

First of all "meh" is ranked my alltime favourite word. LOVE that word.

And second, I loved this post! Loved. How you let us watch how you picked yourself up from your slump! And how much do I love that song?

Okay, I think I have just hit the limit of how many times a person is allowed to type the word "love" in a comment.

septembermom said...

How tough to have all those funerals one after the other. I hope that things do get better for you and your BFF. Time will heal things eventually. Hugs!

Celia said...

Mmm, I am glad you are healthy. I have been hiding from customers. Ugh. Germy germy. Four deaths is enough to knock anyone down. Remembering someone is the best way to honor them. I have my Grandma's pictures right next to the front door so I see them everyday.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Oh my gosh, Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days! (Or spelled something like that.)

We went through that many funerals this past summer, and it is very draining.

Sorry you haven't felt like reading lately...

Momma Hunt said...

I am sorry to hear that you are really not doing well in the emmotion department. I think sometimes our lives snowball. One things, runs into another and all these thing we could handle individually but when you put them all together sometimes it becomes overwhelming. Please remember that this is support by the truck load here on the blogs. Hang in there.