Writers Workshop: Papa Cat's Guide to Grooming

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Here is the prompt I chose this week:
What does that tell you about your father? List five products your father used (or uses). Write a longer piece about, at least, one of them.

Weeellll...Papa Cat is not exactly one who primps himself. He keeps his hygiene to the barest of bare minimums. I'm not even sure I can even name five products that he uses on a regular basis (or used to use for that matter). But I am definitely sure of the one product that he used to use all the frakkin' time. Read on...

So here are the products, in no particular order:

1. Irish Spring deodorant soap
Because he thinks Mama Cat's Dove Beauty Bar is too girly for him.

2. Barbasol Shaving Cream
He's been using this stuff for as long as I've been alive...and probably for as long as he's been married (37 years this June). And probably much longer than that.

3. Crest Toothpaste
Because it's what Mama Cat buys. Papa Cat did the grocery shopping once and bought something other than Crest, and there was a near-riot at the Cat Family Homestead.

4. Fresh Burst Listerine
Again, see #3.

But for number five...well, how can I not write about this one?!?!?

5. Aqua Net Super-Hold Hair Spray

There is a story behind this, kittens. You see, as a growing kitten, I often woke up to the sounds of Papa Cat emptying out a can of Aqua Net as he got ready for work. He was a man who lived in deep denial that he was balding, and had a rawther large comb-over. Papa Cat would use about an eighth of a can of Aqua Net on his head to hold the comb-over in place. It was not a good look for him. Neither I nor Sister Kitten would mention this to him, but Mama Cat did--constantly.

As we got older we'd mention that he polluted the ozone layer every time he used the damn Aqua Net. Papa Cat would just roll his eyes. Like I said, he was never big on grooming, but man, he really wouldn't get rid of that comb-over.

Until one day...he discovered he was going bald in the back of his head.

It was weird how he first found out. Embarrassing, actually. He attended a Board of Finance meeting in town, which was recorded on public access cable. He stood up to speak, said what he had to say, and then sat down. The Board of Finance thanked Papa Cat for his comments.

Papa Cat made us all watch this Board of Finance meeting. He was that danged excited to be on television. As we were watching, he noticed a short, balding man stand up to address the board.

He didn't realize it was him.

He asked if he was really that bald.

We nodded.

A week later, he went to Louis the barber, the man who had been cutting his hair for nearly twenty-five years, and had the comb-over chopped off.

Papa Cat no longer uses the Aqua Net.

His hair--and the ozone layer--are much better off without it.