Sunday, March 22, 2009

A quick hello...

Thanks to everyone who left me comments and well wishes on my "Sabbatical" post. I told you I wouldn't be gone for long! However, many of you were worried about what's been going on, so I only thought it was fair to let you in on some details...

Regular readers know that I've been battling depression almost my entire life. I wasn't officially diagnosed until May of 2002, though. I've been doing really well depression-wise for the past year...but this past week, the symptoms started coming back. And its best friend, anxiety, has been paying a visit as well.

I've been seeing a therapist for the past 15 months. She's been a big help. A few months ago I felt I was doing well enough to reduce the visits from every week to every other week...I think I'm going to have to increase the visits back to weekly for a while.

I also need to see my GP. I need to talk to her because I may need to get back on meds. I've been off them for a year--the first year since I was diagnosed that I've been nonmedicated. What worries me most about getting back on the meds are the physical side effects. When I was on Prozac, I gained a lot of weight. When I was on Lexipro, not only did I gain more weight than I did when I was on Prozac, but I also felt fatigued all the time. I'd come home from work at 4 PM and sleep for the next four hours. Not a healthy way to live.

While the drugs offered me a sense of mental stability, I don't want to compromise my physical health, either.

Last night I forced myself to attend a church potluck. I'm really glad I went. I'm feeling a lot better, but I'm not going to consider myself cured.

So that's what's been going on off-blog...I'm not going to delve into the reasons why I believe the depression has resurfaced. I'll just say that March has come in like a lion and it is going to leave like a lion. I haven't had a full day to myself since my birthday. I had a stressful day at work on my birthday, and it hasn't abated yet. I'm not going to have a full day to myself till after Easter, when I'm on vacation.

When I say full day to myself, I mean a day free of commitments. A day where I can stay in my pajamas from sunrise till sunset. A day when I don't have to shower. A day when I don't have to leave the house and can sleep all day if I wanted to.

And finally, there's the blogging. I've been overwhelmed by it lately. As of this writing I follow 65 blogs. Every night I was faithful about reading all the new posts and commenting on every single one. But 65 blogs is a lot to read in one night. I know that all of them didn't update simultaneously, but I knew I had to figure out a way to read all of my updates withouth getting overwhelmed.

Within all this, something had to give--and that something is blogging. I don't anticipate I'll be blogging full-time again until after Easter. I need to get my mental health straightened out and need to take a rest from life--even if it's just grabbing a few minutes here and there. I'll post some bits and pieces every now and then, but it won't be the lengthy tomes you've all been accustomed to.

Phew! So much for a quick hello! Again, thanks for all of your well-wishes! We'll chat soon!

18 comments:

Janna Bee said...

I am giving you permission. Hit the "mark all as read" button sometimes. I am following 100+ blogs and I cannot possibly read everyone's blog so sometimes I need a fresh slate. And do not feel you must comment on every one of everyone's posts. Really! I used to do that too, and it's impossible to keep up with that. I hope you feel better and less stressed soon!

Aileigh said...

Thinking of you... Hope you feel better soon. I know what depression and anxiety feels like and it isn't fun. Take care of yourself. We will be right here when you get back. Hugs!

pam said...

Thanks for the info. I can relate to the meds, I have to take steroids quite often and the side effects are very similar.

I hope you can get back on track quickly. I will be thinking of you!

NurseExec said...

I know what it's like to battle mental demons. Sounds like you're doing all the right things for you. Take care :)

Serena said...

I wish you well and hope that your vacation will provide you some much needed R&R. Remember to breath and relax even if it is for a few minutes at a time each day. I hope that you start feeling right again soon.

Depression is a hard beast to conquer.

Improbable Joe said...

glad to hear you're doing alright. I've got the depression thing going on too, so I know how you feel.

Shelley said...

I hope your time off is helpful. Depression just sucks! Maybe you can find a new medication that has less side effects. Hopefully a pajama day will comes soon--those days are so therapeutic!

septembermom said...

Continue to take good care of yourself! You're right to step away and relax, reassess and breathe for a while. I admire your honesty in discussing your depression. I'm sure there are better days ahead. I look forward to your future posts, whenever they come :)

Mrs Cooper said...

Every time you post, I'll be peeking in. Take care of yourself my friend. Your health comes first.

blueviolet said...

You're doing the right thing to take care of yourself. That's the most important thing of all. I take meds myself for the same thing and went off for a period of time when we didn't have insurance. I went back on when we did. It levels me out and I'm pretty sure it's lifelong for me. Blogging is a time consuming and often stressful thing so I think taking a break is probably a wonderful idea. Please know that I care.

Vickie said...

Don't worry about blogging, just take care of yourself. I had a bloggy friend tell me that your loyal readers/bloggy friends will always be around.

Take care:)

CDB said...

I know it's hard to figure out how well you "know" someone from reading their blog, but I do feel I've gotten to know you a lot better over the last few months, and I really enjoy your blog (memes, reviews, all!)

But I completely understand about being overwhelmed with blogging/commenting, etc. and relate to needing a break! Take one, and do something for yourself. We will be here when you come back.

drollgirl said...

glad to hear you are ok. and the side effects of medications can be so unfortunate! i hope you and your doctor come up with a great solution to help you. hang in there. please!

Jenners said...

Hey Girl. I've been on Zoloft for over 4 years after having Postpartum depression and I've not been able to get off of it since ... I've come to peace with that and stopped feeling bad about it. So I kind of understand a little about what you are going through. Take care of yourself. And blogging should be FUN -- not overwhelming. Just do what YOU want to do and don't burden yourself feeling that you have to read so many blogs. Just do what you want to do and be well. : )

Grand Pooba said...

I totally understand about the blogging thing...it's tuff to keep up and you feel so bad when you get behind! But really, blogging is not a job, it is a hobby. You don't have to do it unless you want to!.

And I totally feel for you with the depression problem. I've been on my meds 10 years and haven't been able to get off. Everytime I try my mind just can't handle it and I end up back at square one. And the side effects suck I agree, but I think if you work with your doctor you could find a cocktail that works for you. It took me a long time to find my little cocktail that gives me least amount of side effects and keeps me stable. The benefits of the drugs out weigh the side effects!

Good luck girl! Get yourself worked out first, YOU are what matters, YOU come first!

(Plus you could read The Secret, I love that book and take it out every now and then to help me get through tough times, it works!)

HUGS!

Jodi said...

Girl, you take all the time you need. I had to cut back myself too with my medical issues that have surfaced. We all are here for you. Don't forget that! Plus you know where else to find me ;)

I will keep you in prayer about your depression. My sister suffers from it so I know the toll it takes on the mind, body, and soul. Know I'm thinking about you!

Kristi said...

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Yaya said...

I'm sorry you are having that depression sneak back in. I am too familiar with that. I hope that you are doing well.