Monday, May 3, 2010

The Queen's Meme: The Weird, Unusual, and Amusing Meme

One of the reasons why I love Mimi's memes so much is that they keep the grey matter ticking and the creative juices flowing. This week's edition is quite the challenge to my cerebral cortex. Read on for the explanation:

The following statements are true. Your job is to explain why you think they are true. Just offer up your usual amusing quips! I'm betting we'll have some hysterical responses. Remember that somewhere somebody in the world needs to know these things and your tax dollars probably paid for the research that went into proving them true.

Kittens, I would love to hear your explanations of why these statements are true. Comment away once you're done!

1. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
This is an easy one. Not all countries have airports. Not all countries can afford to have airplanes. Besides, ever try to tame a donkey? There's a reason why they're called stubborn. They go anywhere they want, wherever they want, and they don't care who or what they're running into.

2. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
I'm sorry, Mimi, I know you wanted an explanation for this, but I don't see the logic in it at all, when Bugs Bunny and his pals are allowed to cavort through the Acme Forest completely naked.

And on another note...why is it that female animated characters are completely clothed, whereas the male ones either only have pants or shirts? Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck wear dresses and bloomers! Is this a double standard in cartoon censorship?

3. If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Goldfish get bored really easily. All they do is swim around in that little bowl, day in and day out, waiting for something special to happen, and of course, it never does. (Unless there's a cat in the house, but that's another post).

The reason that goldfish turn white in the dark has to do with evolution, kittens. You see, when you're swimming in that little bowl, day in and day out, as you get older, it's hard to see things. What goldfish may perceive as open water is actually a fake-out, like the guy who the birds prank in the Windex commercials:

That whole "turning white" thing has to do with being able to see in the dark. If they're white, they'll glow in the dark, and they'll be able to see. See?

4. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. Why were they fighting in the first place?
I had to consult Wikipedia, that bastion of journalistic integrity, to find out exactly where Zanzibar was. (Off the coast of Tanzania, Africa. Confirmed by gut feeling it was somewhere in Africa). Why a 38-minute war? Well, Zanzibar consists of two tiny islands. If you're a nation of two tiny islands fighting the greatest naval/colonial empire in the world, wouldn't you surrender, too? I mean, how would you defend yourself?

5. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
A gal's gotta flirt somehow--DUH!!!!

Ask this question, however, to Nancy Pelosi, and you may get a different answer:

6. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Because the ant carries the magnum of champagne in his right leg. It weighs it down and causes him to fall sideways. All ants are right legged, ya know!

7. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Your brain wouldn't be that big, either, if you spent your whole day with your head in the sand. All of those educational opportunities and life experiences, wasted.

8. In England, the Speaker of The House is not allowed to speak.

He/she wouldn't shut up, otherwise. Maybe he/she could take lessons from Nancy Pelosi and communicate solely by eye blinking.

9. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
Who wants to go out to the wetlands behind my house and find this out for themselves?

10. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
I think this is really sad that this happens. Seriously, I can't think of anything funny about this. Sorry, guys.

11. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The good doc ran out of anesthesia for a routine cavity fill one day, so he decided on shock therapy to help out his poor patient, and...whoops!


Jamie said...

Equal rights for female cartoon characters!!!

Mr. Lance said...

HAHAHA I loved the Video's I thought the Windex commercial was funny until I saw the bit on the Late Show. WAY TOO FUNNY!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Some sound thoughts about Donald and female cartoon characters

Jenners said...

These are unusual questions indeed. Any one of them could have resulted in a long and very strange post I think.

septembermom said...

Where do I start? I learned lots of interesting things here today. Electric chair and dentist sounds like a logical combo :) 38 minute war? That's a quicky!

Did you see Conan on 60 Minutes? Of course, you did. He looked great. Sounded great too.

Melissa Mashburn said...

There is a double standard in the cartoon world. I think we should protest it by going without our pants.

Mimi Lenox said...

First of all, THANK YOU for the comment about my memes. I never know if people are annoyed or really like them. Some do. Some don't. And I experiment a lot with different types. I appreciate the vote of confidence, Kitten.

The scary thing about your answers is....the more I read them the more sense they make! Your cerebral capabilities were indeed firing on all cylinders today. Great job!

(I would like to leave a gold star. So there.)