Live blogging the Emmys: The ceremony

TY BURRELL!!!

The guy in the grey tux is named Ty Burrell.

He's from that Modern Family show I've never seen.

Anyhoo, on with the show, shall we?

8:02: So far, the opening is not disappointing and just may be one of the most memorable opening numbers in Emmy history. Jon Hamm grinding it with Betty White? Yeah!!!

SPRINGSTEEN?!?! YES!!!! And Hurley? I never watched Lost, but nice touch!!!

Damn, this needs to go on iTunes. Like, in five minutes.

Work it, Tim Gunn!!!

OmigGod, this is too. Frakkin.' Coll. I need to download this to my hard drive before those shmucks at NBC take it off YouTube.

Randy Jackson? Dawg!

By the way, Ryan Murphy, should you read this: Springsteen episode. If not next season, then season 3.

Oh, and Emmy producers, thank you for not using Kate Gosselin so much.

8:07: Born to Run production number over. Jimmy Fallon takes over with his acoustic guitar. "I'm going to be hosting a show on the West Coast. What could possibly go wrong?"

Cue close up of Conan, who seems to take it in stride.

8:08: Year in comedy retrospective.

8:11: Jon Hamm and Betty White present the award for Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. They enter to the strains of "The Odd Couple" theme.

The guy from Modern Family won. How? What is this show about anyway? I thought Colfer was a shoo-in for this one. To say that I am très disappointed is an understatement.

I've decided to go to bed right after they present Outstanding Variety Series. I have a feeling Modern Family is going to upset Glee--and if they upset Glee, they upset me.

8:18: I like John Hodgeman as narrator, and I can't wait to hear all of the grudge stories.

8:19: Whoever is writing the presenter banter needs to be dragged into the street and shot. Nice way to introduce the comedy writer nominees. Like how Tina Fey is wearing a Late Night with Jimmy Fallon t-shirt.

Modern Family won AGAIN. It beat out 30 Rock, The Office AND Glee!!! I'm ready to throw my laptop against the TV. Getting pissed. Why is it that the TV shows I root for to win end up LOSING?!?!? (Hope I didn't jinx Conan...hope I didn't jinx Conan...)

And everyone on Modern Family seems to be really long-winded with the speeches...

8:23: Ahhh, Stephen Colbert, please don't disappoint me. Please tell me that Jane Lynch's name is in that envelope you're holding in your right hand. Way to kiss up to the ladies, Stephen.

Prepping to throw computer against screen if anyone from Modern Family wins...

YES!!!! JANE WON, JANE WON, JANE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Emmy gods!!! And she thanked her wife and little girl, and made a crack about jealousy that was great but I couldn't catch it in time (and I'm too lazy to rewind my DVR).

8:28: Let the tributes to Oprah begin...even though her show isn't off the air yet...

8:31: What the hell is Lauren Graham wearing?

Again, these writers for the presenters banter need to be dragged into the street and shot...

Betty White deserved the Emmy for SNL. More than deserved it. But I think Mike O'Malley should have received it instead of NPH.

Ryan Murphy won for Glee!!!!! Lurve the teal tux there, Ryan! Don't forget about my suggestion for the Springsteen episode...oh, and thank you for thanking the teachers. :)

8:36: What's NOT to like about a George Clooney cameo?

8:37: Lead actor in a comedy. Alec Baldwin, FTW! Sorry, Matthew Morrison, but there's no one like Jack Donaghy on TV!!

Jim Parsons won?!?! WTF?!?!? Now there's an upset!!!

Now I'm feeling really badly for Steve Carell...hopefully the last season will be the charm...

OT: This You Again movie with Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Betty White looks like it has potential.

Starting to get tired...but must stay up for Conan...must stay up for Conan...must stay up for Conan...

8:44: Ahhh, NPH...presenting Lead Actress in a Comedy...I have no idea who will win...oh, Edie Falco, an old pro at winning Emmy statuettes...I should watch this Nurse Jackie show, but I don't get Showtime.

8:47: Kim Kardashian should NOT sing. Not one note.
Greaaaaaaaat, the reality category. Have I ever mentioned to you, my darling kittens, how much I loathe reality television? (That is, the reality of the Kardashian/Big Brother/Not-So-Real Housewives variety...give me Mythbusters any day).

Top Chef won! At last, the Amazing Race stranglehold is broken! God, Padma Lakshmi is beautiful.

8:56: And now we're introduced to the accountants...wow, that went quicker than I thought.

8:57: Well, Julianna Marguiles is a somewhat better singer than Kim Kardashian...and now, for the drama category...gonna skip this one, kittens, I don't watch any dramas. See ya for the Variety category.

9:11: OK, I said that I'd skip the drama category, but I have to say...this has been a night of upsets. I've never heard of Archie Panjabi. Then again, I don't watch The Good Wife.

But I am quite familiar with the work of Christine Baranski, and I adore her.

9:12: Do NOT compare Edie Falco to a Real Housewife of New Jersey. She's too classy.

9:13: Three in a row for Malcolm's dad! He's a classy guy...and rawther cute. :)

We're coming up on 9:17 on the east coast, kittens. I really want to stay up and see if Conan wins, but it he's not on by 10 PM (a rawther likely possibility, since the announcer has teased that filler is coming up in the form of a musical tribute to canceled shows), I'm gonna have to turn in. I can't tell you the last time I had to wake up at my work reveille--the oh so lovely hour of 5:30 AM.

9:21: If all of us women could be as sexy as Ann-Margret when we get to be her age...and her voice sounds just as wonderful...

9:23: Oh dear Lord, here comes the musical tribute to 24, Lost, and Law and Order. With Jimmy Fallon impersonating Elton John. Chee-z!!

Wow, that was a quick change! Now he's in a weird getup singing to Boyz II Men, with a Law and Order tribute. Nice deal with the 40 Oz., a creepy acknowledgment to what he did when Conan went off the air.

Wow, very credible Green Day impersonation there, Jimmy.

How'd he change outfits so quickly, I wonder?

I have to say, Jimmy's doing a credible job so far. Not a wham-bam, amazing job, but a good job. Golf clap!

OT: Kinda surprised that Lost isn't receiving any Emmy love. I wouldn't know what I'm talking about, though, since I never watched the show.

Oh, they just announced the variety show salute. YES! Maybe I WILL get to bed on time.

9:34: Announcing the Variety category!!!!! With Stephen Colbert! Colbert FTW!! Black Eyed Peas FTW!!! And all they're talking about is the Conan/Leno debacle.

I have to say, Fallon looks really good in a white tux.

Oh, and BTW, in case you're wondering...yes, I am using textspeak throughout this post. Yes, I have written prolifically about my hatred for this dialect. But when you're live blogging, you don't want to miss much, and hence, I must use shorthand. A lesson I learned from my cousin, who is studying to be a stenographer.

9:39: Disappointed that Wanda Sykes didn't win for Variety Special. I love her!

9:45: Ricky Gervais is onstage. He's presenting the Outstanding Direction in a Variety Special award.

And he's going off script!! LOVE IT!!!!

OMG, he's giving beer out to people in the audience! Awesome!!!

Bucky Gunts--best name for an Emmy winner. Ever.

9:51: The Outstanding Variety Show award. Crap, my heart is racing right now. And there goes Jon Stewart with his Glenn Beck impression. Yes, mucho loud applause for Conan. Well deserved. Hollywood is with Coco. Nice ending to the B-roll by the way.

I'm gonna crap in my pants.

The Daily Show won AGAIN?!?!?!?! ROBBERY!!!!!

OK, gotta go on Facebook to see what the Coco fans are saying...

Yep, disappointment all the way around.

Conan O'Brien...the Charlie Brown of the Emmys.

And on that note, I shall leave you all. Good night, my darling kittens...